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Zen Healing Retreat 

Novembers Blog


30th  November 2021

Dear One,


I learned recently of the death of Misha Norland.26th November 2021.

 Misha was an amazing man who founded The School of Homoeopathy way back in the 1980`s taking his unique blend of universal wisdom, the teachings of Thomas Maughan and the philosophy and principles of Homoeopathy uniting them into an insightful, intuitive yet practical methodology that is  a now global teaching . 

He was innovative in the distance learning field and now has the best

 on- line platform in the world.

OK, so that is what he did that the world will remember.


For some of us he was a mentor, an inspiration, kind and gentle whose  knowledge had been filtered through experience transformed into wisdom.

 I learned so much from him about wholistic health, the interaction of the universal matrix of energy, what the mystics taught   - oh so much over the years in our short times together.

Yet, on reflection now what stuck with me the most is the grace filled 

power of Misha`s presence.

I remember Misha and how I felt in his company which lingered long after we had parted. 

Misha  fully saw me, heard me and held me in non-judgmental acceptance and love.  It was the dynamic parent/ teaching energy.

 It was learning  `how to Be` by osmosis.

To be fully who we are is to live in deep humility aligned with  the soul.

In classical homoeopathic terms of `less is more `my one word of thanks to Misha would be for his

`Presence`.


Thank you Misha, for being you, you will on in so many.

Your presence will bless the future.

God bless You


love Jude



Zen Healing Retreat 

Novembers Blog


29th  November 2021

Dear One,


I am amazed, in awe of how the universe responds when a space is made.

Only yesterday I was opening to forgiveness when I read this

"The degree of guilt you feel in connection with the pain inflicted on others is exactly equal to the amount of judgment you still carry from your own past."

This rocked me and I could feel a deeper insight hovvering, waiting to land.


The Course in Miracles lesson this morning 
"Forgiveness ends the dreams of conflict here" 

As I sat with it, I finally got it. I understood it.

It does not matter how forgiven all my relationships are with others 

if I have guilt for my perceived part in them,

 I will attract the  judgment of others  to the exact same depth 

with which I judge myself.

D`uH!

It matters not how deeply , how fervently I forgive others if I cannot forgive myself - logical really when we remember we are all One and the other is just mirroring me back to me...


So now my prayers is "Holy Spirit, please take this self judgement  to your altar and transform it.

Thank you

Amen"


Zen Healing Retreat 

Novembers Blog


28th  November 2021

Dear One,


Having adored and rejoiced in the dramatic colours of autumn rioting on the palate of my eye, there is almost a welcome to simplicity of winters black and whiteness. Shades of monochrome tinged with pinks.

Now light and dark have come to the fore; contrasting, shading, chasing each other across the sky evoking the inward looking reflection of the dark of night and the joy of light illuminating the clefts and crevice's of hills, 

trees, clouds and shadows relieving the dark unknown.

The searing harsh summer sun and the glorious rich distractions of autumn have passed,  now it is truly time for Being Zen,  


Simple, Slow, Stillness and I can hear the voice of my God.


There is now time to look back on the year, to view, with honesty, all occurrences, situations and events. Now there is time to reflect 

upon who I was in each encounter. 

What happens to us is just life - how we respond to it is our choice,

our response defines us.

Now is the time for me to deepen my reflections and take responsibility for all my thoughts, words and actions.  Offering prayers of apology, or  apologise where needed; forgive my projections onto others and thank

 them for being the mirror for me to see where I judge; offer my shortcomings to my God for forgiveness and  release or 

surrender all that I did that did not come  from love.


This may take a while!


Zen Healing Retreat 

Novembers Blog


27th  November 2021

Dear One,


What a week, highs and lows,  nightmares and visions.

On a couple of mornings I have awoken from a nightmare - feeling horrible  yet not always able to recall the dream that precipitated the feeling.


Many years ago when I was about 12, I can still recall where I was and who I was with.. I recall a soft gentle voice calling me to follow....I can remember where I was sitting and the view I  was seeing when I thought my reply , "Yes God, but not now, I want to have some fun first".
The voice gently faded in a softness of sense -
does that make any sense at all?


So this week it was painful dreams  yet on Thursday in the lunchtime meditation I had another awe-full experience. For a nano-second or a couple of minutes I was the embodiment of love, an overwhelming sense of peace. I had no guilt, no resentment, no fear, I trusted the `God-sense` I was feeling which only faded as I left the present moment of being with it to think .. ahh the ego in action....

` I like this feeling , I hope it lasts a long time`.  Cue to fade! 


OK it defies language in its simplicity, its normalcy, its profundity yet 

what an experience to have as the merest touch of Grace blessing me with an experience of the Divine. 

Peace, Grace, Softness, Gentleness, Stillness

Love.....


Zen Healing Retreat 

Novembers Blog


26th  November 2021

Dear One,


Happy Thanksgiving, yes I know i am a day late but that is one of the side effects of a Zen Healing Retreat, getting  dates wrong!

Thanksgiving, in these secular times what a fabulous holiday to celebrate. To stop and think of all we are grateful for. 


Thank you

I awoke this morning to snow - thank you.

I have a snug wee home and fire lit - thank you

I walked for 30 minutes earlier - thank you

I have four wonderful children- thank you x 4!

I have nearly 1 grandchild - thank you

I have a job that enriches me - thank you

I have a partner I adore - thank you

I have friends I love- thank you

I have a mother, sister and brother  I love - thank you

For my sisters in the Open Sanctuary - thank you

For the people in Dalraddy - thank you

I have food in the fridge - thank you

I have books to read - thank you

I have friends to share my journey - thank you

Help me to love all so much more - thank you

Help me to stay grateful - thank you

Help me to judge less and forgive more - thank you

Help me be fully present to others - thank you

Help me see, hear and love unconditionally - thank you

Help receive the gifts of my reflections willingly - thank you

Help me remember You at all times - thank you

Thank you for everything and everyone in my life

help me be eternally grateful and loving

thank You



Zen Healing Retreat 

Novembers Blog


24th  November 2021

Dear One,


Having a rocky road of late, one day all calm and flowing the next discombobulated. Yesterday went awry as the laundry I use scoffed my money and failed to work... so removed all clothes and wheeched off to the other laundry. Went for a walk during the wash cycle and ended up bumping into people and talking with them. The rhythm for the day had been disrupted and dominoe`d into the rest of the day.


This taught me a couple of things:

One, that I was being too rigid to have lost my plot so easily; or, obviously, the reverse... do i need stronger structure ?

Secondly how much easier it all is in the company of others; they would be the structure for when i had wandered off piste!


This is the very definition of community, people carrying you when you are unable to get there alone. From looking after a member who is ill, out of work, in need of a friend to those times when all that is required is someone pointing us in the right direction. 


One thing about conscious communities is their shared beliefs, shared language, shared values and spiritual practices all of which supports the whole become so much more than the sum of the parts. 


Nothing is more reassuring when talking to a friend than knowing they understand, If not the situation, at least the vocabulary that is being used.


Friends rock!


Zen Healing Retreat 

Novembers Blog


22nd  November 2021

Dear One,


Well.... I didn't add anything yesterday as I was too busy  experiencing the old saying "Pride comes before a fall.."

Saturday had been such a good day, long walks, reading, studying, mediating well - and was so wonderfully smug and satisfied with myself..

( Ghastly, utterly ghastly....

Woke up yesterday and felt dreadful. So bad I didn't even try to meditate or walk... i just turned on the tv to distract myself from my thoughts of failure, of unworthiness, of `who am I to presume i can do any of this?` 

What delusions, what arrogance, who am I kidding!!!


So I contacted a friend who is doing something similar and gave vent to my delusions. 

What a relief to articulate and be heard, what a gift to be seen and held in unconditional love. It helped me recalibrate, reminding me of the purpose of the retreat and settling the mind a little.

Today I am grateful; for the mess of yesterday that blessed me with an experience of arrogance on the Saturday and  inverted arrogance on the Sunday - "Action and reaction are equal and opposite"

Both out of centre, both out of balance and only in balance does the ego dissolve allowing us to fully embody and Be who we truly are.


Zen Healing Retreat 

Novembers Blog


19th  November 2021

Dear One,

I cannot seem to make the whole Fairy Ring appear here in the picture. 

Synchronicity or what as fairy rings had been in my mind of late - the lovely innocent notion of fairy rings as how a child sees nature, 

full of wonder, awe and magic.


Indeed "Blessed are the pure in heart as they will see God" . 


Maybe innocent children see God in all things, whereas we are 

too jaded, rational and cynical to see from their pure perspective.

 Knowing too much can lead to a jaundiced viewpoint;

 knowledge can be dangerous! 

Even slowing down on a walk everything is seen  differently add to that being fully present to the moment and having no deadlines and we  might have a tiny insight into how children see nature. Because they do not `know` they can see beyond certainty, beyond science and what is

 and what is not possible, they go beyond a dislike of getting wet for the sheer joy of splashing and sploshing in a puddle.


Their laughs are pure wholehearted innocence of delight and joy.


I have to go and find a patch of golden leaves to kick around, 

to watch them fly and land  - utter joy!


Zen Healing Retreat 

Novembers Blog


18th  November 2021

Dear One,


The mantra I was contemplating this morning 
" I release all illusion

to live in Love"

ties into the  words from Thomas Merton from a few blogs ago.

We cannot love unconditionally with a full giving heart and still live to the beat of our own drum.  Our drum being our ego with its fear-based expression manifesting / running and ruining our lives. 

How to release belief in it?


James Finlay says it well:

" The issue of their suffering is they think they are what’s wrong with them. It’s the idolatry of their shame." He goes onto say that if we were able to see ourselves through the eyes of the God of our awareness "they would see their true face before they were born."  That’s what James calls "experiential salvation." 

Much to munch on here, a day a week, a retreat and, in truth, a lifetime. 

Who does my God see me to be?"

It is almost like a koan.


Answers on a postcard .......

Zen Healing Retreat 

Novembers Blog


17th  November 2021

Dear One,


You put up with me so well dear friend, I thank you for your loving accepting heart and non judgmental compassion. Sharing here the early night sky with you - awe filling indeed. the colour, the sense of purity that is ever present gifted  to us by the Universe. 

How often do I close the curtains and miss the wondrous reminder

 of the magical mystery of the universe and the planet? 

How often do I close the curtains on close and dear family and friends 

and fail to see their love?


Thus quiet time is revealing so much. It is like there is a whole other level to the life I had been skimming over is a rush to get...errr....where exactly? 

 This time has reminded me it is not the end that matters but how you arrive. My aim now is to live life fully, to focus on the here and now - again, embrace the now, the eternal moment.

 I would hate to get to the end and be shocked at having arrived there...


Thank you for being you - perfect in every way.



Zen Healing Retreat 

Novembers Blog


16th  November 2021

Dear One,


"We cannot love and live on our own terms" Thomas Merton. 

Hello, why did I not get this before? Seeing it here in print it is so obvious that all my relationships were doomed, all doomed. Interesting to note how the divorce rate has rocketed since the egocentricity of the eighties took off - hey, no judgment here, I am a part of it. 


I did not have this awareness of love being union and  not about me getting my own way in the past.  It was a time when personal `rights` mattered, which  they do but when they come between us and the ones we love - 

something is amiss, has gone seriously  awry somewhere...


Having the time in the last decade or so to reflect in humble honesty i can put both hands up and say it was me guv`. Me who wrecked my relationships in a fear of intimacy, of being truly see by another... the fear of seeing their rejection of who I think I am rather than welcome the depth of intimacy with another where we are both truly who we are.


"Only in Love does

my freedom lie.". 


Zen Healing Retreat 

Novembers Blog


15th  November 2021

Dear One,


I see it is three days since I last posted, so much for discipline then!

But at the same time I do not want to bore you ... oh alright it had been a horrible couple of days, well Friday and Saturday were, Sunday was recalibration.. Friday spent in Raigmore with a whizz round Tescos to polish me off and Saturday feeling completely discombobulated and later loved ones getting bad new which  threw me. How to be supportive without being trite, how to convey concern yet not add to fears, how to just listen and not patronise, or lie - maybe it wont be `alright`!

How to empathise and hear, how to let them know they are not alone without saying a word. It is a challenge we all go through at some point in our lives and we have no training for it whatsoever. 

Yet, perhaps, all they want is to share the news for the release of having spoken the words aloud. 

Having spent so much time in silence in the  last 8 weeks I found it easier to say nothing and listen attentively, thanking my God for that. 

I felt honoured that they had shared their news with me and was aware that once that would not have been the case.

Saying nothing

Being more.

Zen Healing Retreat 

Novembers Blog


12th  November 2021

Dear One,

Sadly this picture is a quarter the size of the photograph, but this gadget cannot adapt to show a  panoramic view. It was quite something.

 I had to go to Inverness yesterday and coming home at dusk was

 visually spectacular, which made the whole trip worthwhile. 

Gosh the festive season is upon us, everywhere are signs of Christmas from decorations to shop front display windows. 

I do wish we could rename this time of year, Respect that Christmas is for Christians and rename it something more appropriate. The Americans have Thanksgiving which is a beautiful sentiment involving families getting together in appreciation of each other.  Which is pretty much what we do on 25th December in this country, it is a time when we remember each other and those we have not seen for a long time are recalled 

which to me is to pray for.

"To think of

Is to pray for."

One of the gifts of this Zen Healing Retreat time is to be able to think of someone ad spend time with those thoughts. Not just a thought flying through my mind but a delicious time seeing them in my thoughts, hearing voices, blessing them with love before the thoughts move on.




Zen Healing Retreat 

Novembers Blog


9th  November 2021

Dear One,

I realise my banging on about the weather and scenery is going to

 bore you so shall share more of what else I am up to. 

I am reading a lot and having the time to allow it to filter through which is a gift beyond price. Something came up yesterday that can be

 summarised as 

"Intimacy is the opposite of loneliness.

Connection is the opposite of addiction."

Some how they are the same but different; connection opens the door for intimacy;  addiction is the hiding place of loneliness. 

Covid has brought about more people living isolated  lives yet they may 

feel isolated but not lonely and find ways to connect with others.

Yet, as many of us know and have experienced, having people around

 does not address loneliness. Being lonely in a crowd is almost nihilistic

 in experience ; all these people and no one to `see` me, 

what's the point?


Who do we want to see us and how deeply will we allow them in?

 How deeply will we `see` them and where might our judgments of 

self and the other,  limit intimacy?

Perhaps it all comes down to how vulnerable are we able to be with another - well in truth, how vulnerable are we able to be with our selves first? 

Open that deeply  to another. Intimacy is built of vulnerability, not the `poor-me` of victimhood, but the depths of sharing deep awareness of self and 

the rantings and rumblings of the inner wayward ego. 

Honesty is a precursor for intimacy as without honesty vulnerability is false  - like mistaking a one night stand for a relationship. a self delusion.


On one level keeping it simple all it takes is a genuine smile from someone we  encounter - a reminder  we  are still visible, still alive and, 

the gift of a smile is we get to keep it and

 give it away...so pass it on.



Zen Healing Retreat 

Novembers Blog


8th  November 2021

Dear One,

I have to say that Mondays are a wonderful day on this retreat. They are peaceful, slow, with enough energy to stimulate writing but 

nothing to rush for.

 The flow of the week is much quieter now  even though decades of a weekly `flow` has left an imprint or am I picking up the energy 

of the atmosphere as created by others? 

I remember when  I was young how quiet Sundays were, the shops

 didn't open, they even  felt different. as the world , as I knew it, rested.


 This retreat is like a week of Sundays even as each day has its own rhythm still,  Sunday it feels like others join me in slowing.

Fanciful? Maybe, 

For a quick thinking ( usually) fast acting, generally speedy kind of person this new relationship with slow-ness is offering gifts I could not have predicted. Like really seeing and experiencing autumn this year. 

Using the camera has helped focus me on the details, few appointments has allowed time for sky gazing, bird watching - crows are amazing - 

the quiet has allowed a train of thought to find its conclusion, 

walking slowly allows for full immersion in where I am. 


I suppose it is true to say that I am living more fully while doing less.

Each moment can be accounted for and I am fully present to each moment...well more that I used to be anyway. It is still hard to 

consciously be slow as habituated `speed` does try to take over.


Ever more my mind reminds me to slow, to stop, to really see and hear and , oh wow, what an amazing world we live in.


Zen Healing Retreat 

Novembers Blog


7th  November 2021

Dear One,

Thank goodness you know me.... I have been diving into Thomas Merton that 20th century Cistercian mystic - he write so well and understandably which is a great boon for this bear with a very small brain.
 He says “We are already blessed – yet how far I have to go to meet 

you in whom I have already arrived.”

Oh doesn't he sum it up well... the love of God is constantly around

and within  yet we remain unaware, asleep to the presence of Divinity.

How many fears must I release, how many worries to let go of, how many sounds, texts, e-mails and calls to ignore, how many distractions to 

resist before I am able to feel this presence?

Perhaps the first step is in releasing the past and the future. Are they the first illusion, that time exists? So when I am in the present moment can fears or pain exists. Perhaps it is from this magical deliciousness of space, of being fully here  that I am `free` from all ego based obstacles 

clouding my receptivity of the Divine. 

Like  focussing on  the clouds and believing only they exist. 

They merely and transitorily  obscure the sun that is ever present even when our senses deny it. Thus it is with the ego. So limited to our physical sense it restricts our freedom on the meta-physical plane. 

"How far have I to go to meet you in whom I have already arrived."

Once I would have promised myself to contemplate this statement and `never got round to it` - this Zen time offers, gifts and blesses me with the time practically  and the headspace interiorly to sit with it for a while.

To spend some time assimilating the words, their meaning and the 

guidance they offer.


Off for a wee ponder...



Zen Healing Retreat 

Novembers Blog


6th  November 2021

Dear One,

It feels like confession time. I have not been here for a couple of days.

Last time I was here I had just managed a day on the city and was wonderfully smug about it. Hmmmmm never a good idea.


I ended up having to repeat the trip the next day but this time I was not able to stay so centered. I was in a big room with a TV so any meditation I attempted had the voices of `Loose Women` as the narrative,

It was most disconcerting to say the least.

A long unsettled day culminating with a wee trip to the petrol station 

when I got home and a ready meal.

Add to this some wine I found lurking and the remote control and I had completely lost the plot. But I did not enjoy the distraction....


Yesterday I awoke and felt completely discombobulated. Went out for a walk and managed 100 yards before giving up and going home.

 Meditation was a little better, and managed to read some.

A couple of epiphanies  came from this:

 a) That I have such a long way to go for my  retreat 

lifestyle to become the default and

b)  for times of crisis I need to have a `healthier` distraction to slither into. Another friend suggested a jigsaw... I would need to move 

into a larger shed for that!


It has been a good reminder of the challenges of living in the world and a deeper appreciation of the supportive strengths of living in a 

community where their collective energy, intention and discipline

  would carry anyone struggling.

As the saying goes..." It takes a village..."


Zen Healing Retreat 

Novembers Blog


4th  November 2021

Dear One,


Here was I grizzling about no `reds` this autumn and a friend sent me this picture of a tree on the estate... well red or what!

Yesterday was a Being Zen challenge as I had to go to Inverness

 to the hospital for a check up.

 There is a saying "Being of the world, not in the world". Well, now I get it.

I had been reading about serenity before travelling in the morning and it stayed with me. Despite the amount of cars on the road...really!...

 finding a car parking space, the hustle, bustle and speed of it all

and the waiting for a couple of ours in the well spaced waiting area

 it was a calm, serene experience. 

This may have been because I have not been out for a while so people watching was interesting - there are so many kinds of masks,

 some very funny.

Or just because I had slowed down and made space for every eventuality that there were no expectations, no rush, no.... I was about to say problem, but I did miss the canteen being available.


It is only when in the `usual` world that I could feel how much aiming towards Being Zen has settled in me...granted just the superficial 

stages as yet with a long, long way to go.  

Still,  I was different, more accepting, less expecting, 

calmer, stiller (?) and kinder.

As the aim is to transform daily life through Being Zen as fully as possible, 

to experience even the tip of the serenity ice burg was such a 

gift especially so early in the journey.

Oh wow, 


Zen Healing Retreat 

Novembers Blog


3rd November 2021

Dear Friend

It has been pointed out that I appear to have a `fondness` for trees...

Yes, and? Fabulous aren`t they and I am seeing them is so  much more depth now I have not only time to stand and stare but the desire to do so.

 

These days a walk is so much more than a `step-gathering` activity to appease a wristband. It is mindfulness in motion which I often forge

t and find my walking has speeded (sped?) up and I am no longer 

absorbing my surroundings.

 It is quite something to witness old habitual ways of behaving emerging. 

As I get fitter it would appear that I have to walk to my limit,

 I had not realised I was so self-competitive.  An interesting insight indeed.

Once I would have said I was not competitive at all  yet this awareness 

of speed walking  belies that notion. I wonder where else I  am 

competing with myself and where might I be in conscious or 

unconscious competition with another?


Staying Mindful is not as easy as I once thought!




2nd November 2021

"It is impossible to know in the moment, how a small act of goodness will reverberate through time. The notion is empowering and it is frightening—because it means that we’re all capable of changing the world, 

and responsible for finding those opportunities to protect, feed, 

grow, and guide love."

—Bishop Michael Curry


This is such an empowering quote, it is not for us to predict, guess or expect an outcome, all we have to do, to change the world, is be kind. 


Be kind in the moment, be kind in the present,

 be kind now.


1st November 2021

Happy Samhain, All Souls day and pinch and punch first of the month.

I was struck by this tree this morning, the winds had torn

through it and leaves had fallen.

Did they each represent a loved one who had died?


OK perhaps a tad fanciful, but it did remind me to send up prayers to all

 my loved ones who have died and to give thanks for their presence.

If, as it is said, all energy remains just in other forms, 

then their essence still surrounds me. 

Their wisdom, humour, love and all their qualities are made manifest each time I draw on their strength to live to my highest.

They never died.


 Today is for me to remember this and give thanks.


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