Being Zen
Blogging the journey
Blogging the journey
31st October 2021
Dear Friend,
Here is the shed I live in and these are a couple of the trees that surround me, their glorious colour now receding, diminished in intensity as they
shed their leaves.
If rain can be raining and snow can be snowing can a tree be leafing?
or would that be a leaf that could be leafing? What a conundrum!
As Shakespeare said " A rose by another name would smell as sweet".
So why let language confuse and limit imagination...
a leaf can be leafing if that works for me. All these words are merely symbols we have shortened for ease. Words we all share in a kind of collective understanding, a group perspective as it were.
Though I have often wondered about colour, is my blue your green
even though we call it the same word?
The Course in Miracles says "Perception is a mirror not a fact"
Thus I look at the trees and see a glorious colourful autumn,
others may gaze at the sky and see nothing but rain.
Maybe our only choice is in what we choose to look at and how we
interpret that to understand ourselves a little better.
I am sticking with `glorious` to describe this autumn (:-)
30th October 2021
Dear Friend,
A day of rain of Biblical proportions was followed by a powercut in the evening.
The rain finally stopped and the lights went out. I know for many who rely on electricity it is a disaster and can create havoc, for whom I deeply feel..
It was, for me, during this eremite time, very revealing.
A candle is lit at dusk daily but there are other lights subsuming its power.
Last night, with only candlelight and nothing to diminish it the
ambience changed, softened, outlines of all in the room
blurred and after a while I noticed my thoughts
became kinder and more gentle.
What a gift mellow lighting is, I wrote letters in a much more
grace filled manner, noticing the shadows flicker on the page as I wrote. Observing what I wanted to say transform from a reporting of daily doings
into a relationship conversation, diving into an intimacy that
bright lights might preclude.
It had me think of the phases of the moon, from full and bright to
a new moon, hiding, secretive yet seductive - where is she, what does she look like, what does she know and would impart to me.
Oh my, the after-effects of a candle lit evening are still with me...
How does candle light affect you dear friend?
Does it take your mind to loved ones or do you ponder the intricacies
of nuclear fission?
If it takes your mind to loved ones also, then shall we meet in candlelight again one evening and delight in the depths of sharing, trust and union
that the golden glow imbues?
In this light it is so easy to love the world.
29th October 2021
Dear Friend,
A quiet day indeed, on one walk I met a neighbour and had a brief conversation ,it commenced with the weather and how the seasons wheech by, how fast time flies. Time, with past and future is a linear construct made by man to help `understand` time; yet Gods time is the present moment, the eternal now.
I have mentioned before how still and peaceful it is in the `Now`.
I wonder, if we stay in the present moment do we stay exactly as we are?
If our attention is in the past are we able to see it differently and thus open to growth, forgiveness and release? Similarly living in fear of the future we are projecting the past and, again, can we grow if trapped in projection?
Does aging only happen when we live in the past or the future?
Maybe it is only when fully `here` and not anchored by unresolved
issues of the past that we can choose differently.
Now we can open to growth, forgiveness, release and the
alchemical process of transformation.
Maybe it is as easy as that; willingness and attention to the present moment.
All this thinking, such a waste of time...hahaha back to time again.
My aim is to be fully present to the moment, to be fully aware of it and
fully open to the experience of the moment.
Therein lies peace.
Ssssshhhhhhhhh
28th October 2021
Dear Friend,
The quiet and stillness continues so there is nothing to say today -
the percolations are deep within and defy language.
I though I would leave you with the view of next door late afternoon yesterday.
What a way to end the day!
27th October 2021
Dear Friend,
A quiet couple of days, walking, meditating, reading, slowing, focussing and praying. Enjoying the slow change of the seasons and the few trees that are actually turning red. So few this year compared to last year.
It is delicious to have time to allow understanding to percolate down into my heart. To go from understanding as I rush from activity to activity, to feeling
it descend into my heart experiencing subtle nuances as the wisdom
of the heart transforms the knowing of the mind. Allowing a
spiritual perceptivity of the mind in the heart.
In all my busy-ness I cannot hear the voice for the Holy Spirit;
its soft and gentle voice speaks quietly.
Now, this gift of precious time and space, is allowing the soft voice to be heard.
My prayer is "Please may I hear clearly and follow Divine guidance."
"Thy will be done,
Thy will be done,
Thy will be done
Thy will be done."
I cannot write music so I cannot leave the tune for this beautiful chant here,
I am sorry. I will teach you, if you like, when we are together next.
In the meantime, I hope all is blessed for you
and your busy - ness productive and nurturing.
Love you lots
25th October 2021
Dear Friend,
What a difference a couple of days make. Here you can see a weird straight cloud in the sky and no it is not from a plane, and just below it rain over the hills. The rain moved as I watched.
It has been a funny couple of days. Yesterday my mind kept returning to the news I had recently heard, playing with it, toying with it, imagining unwelcome scenarios yet through it all I managed to walk and meditate. Granted not as mindfully as it it took me longer to settle in meditation and on one walk went right past a tree I had wanted to photo - so definitely not mindful there!
Yet I am sure the structure of this Retreat is supporting me in living in love, in the present moment and not `beaming` onto another planet to satisfy the ego`s enthusiasm for drama, the fear of the future or the pain of the past.
In a conversation with my friends in the Course in Miracles group the topic came up of Inner Peace and how the `ego` is never present in the moment.
The ego drags us back to the past to find something for us to feel guilty about
or to the future where we try to palliate the guilt of the past by
doing the opposite in the future.
Either way we are taken out of inner peace.
Who decides my thinking? The ego in its fear? Or do I stay in the present moment and stay in love?
23rd October 2021
Dear Friend,
Wow what weather yesterday, blue blue sky, snow capped mountains, glowing autumnal sun shining through the greens and yellows of the trees.
Truly magical weather.
Enough to slow me down to remember to walk mindfully and stop often
to gaze at the scenery and time to look beyond the gaze.
This makes the days an eternity yet also fly past so fast...
ahh the paradox of time.
Yesterday, in its perfection, took me out of myself, for a moment time stopped and I was the tree in front of me, the sky above and the glowing orb of the sun, the boundaries had blurred into an experience of One-ness with all of nature in that divine moment.
The inner ego responded with a pffufff of criticism at thinking such a stupid idea, yet, at the same time a realisation that the Course in Miracles, metaphysics and the meta physical viewpoint might be right... Of course I merged with the scenery in an overwhelming sense of One-ness as it was all perceived in my mind and thus comes from, and is me.
I hadn't thought Being Zen would offer quite such depth of experience,
I had great faith in the values of Zen to create a sacred space in which to live , a container, in which if lived fully, would enhance the sacred in all aspects of life.
That momentary sense of divine union.... speechless.
22nd October 2021
Dear Friend,
An aspect of Being Zen that I need to explore, appreciate and apply is that of ritual and ceremony. To me, ritual and ceremony are the grammar of life.
As to read a book with no full stops or comma`s would jumble meaning and possibly make no sense; so it would be to go through life with no `markers`,
This might limit the sense to be made of life. There are some rituals we all participate in, like cleaning our teeth, a physically based action for a physical reason - avoiding rotten teeth. There are so many more opportunities for ritual to maintain `health` on every level.
The dictionary defines ritual as "a series of actions or type of behaviour regularly and invariably followed".
Saying Grace before a meal, for example, takes it from individually enjoyed digestive gratification to an awareness of the universe, the planet, the people involved in growing, sorting, transporting, selling, cooking and preparing a meal. The ritual of saying Grace before eating moves into a spiritual act of gratitude to life for the gift of life. It becomes a prayer for the community.
Gratitude is the psyche`s way of bringing something to consciousness acknowledging the involvement of universal love.
Embodying this in ritual is to take it to the universal matrix of love and place
it upon the altar there.
Ritual symbolises conscious awareness of the interlinked-ness of all the universe, ritual occurs on every level, the universal level of intention, the psyche`s level of attention and the physical in the visible enactment of the ritual.
21st October 2021
Dear Friend,
Well, what a day yesterday was, received some news I was not expecting and kerpow! The mind had a field day.. possibilities, outcomes etc
all juicily chasing each other round my head.
Initially I slithered into smugness as I still went for a couple of walks and meditated though in all honesty meditate is possibly a tad pretentious,
It was more of a sitting cross legged,
mind-still-gadding-where-it-had-no-right-to-go-ness that went on.
This dawned on me once I could see through the delusion of action to the truth of mindfulness. Then the slither deepened into distractions.
Ended up watching a fascinating documentary "Fantastic Funghi" on Netflix, found some chocolate stashed but not quite hidden. As the last piece melted slowly I admitted how far I had strayed from my Zen intentions and gave
up on the day with the firm intention to get it out of my system by
diving in deep and start again the next day.
It was a clear reminder of how far I have to go to be the `boss` of my own thoughts.. how insidious the ego thinking is...reminiscent of Faulty Towers
`don`t mention the war`!
Happily dawn comes each day which I see as Divine forgiveness for the past and the potential and promise of the new moment...
Loved the puddles reflection of the sky, am I a puddle for God? If so, someone has just jumped in and the waters are disturbed so my reflection
is not clear.
Ahhh Be Zen and allow the puddle to settle again...
Still and Calm...
20th October 2021
Dear Friend,
I watched this crow for a while, it cawed at other crows, then `tckkked` and many other sounds. A real sense of communication with other crows going on.
I wonder if they are aware of us other than a nuisance to be flown away from?
If every species is a world unto itself then how many worlds co-exist out there?
Our world is only one and within that there are many. I recall being surprised when a food bank opened up in the town I live near, I had never seen poor people locally, come to that I had not seen the very rich either though I knew both were there.
Was I only seeing reflections of myself, perhaps responding to a similar vibration; or was I assuming that everyone is like me therefore my expectations were based on seeing `versions` of myself making up the community?
Am I, like the crow, in my own little world and run from, or scare off everyone unlike me?
Perhaps if I stop long enough and really focus, I will see the whole world
when I go shopping and not just the familiar.
Stepping into being zen, rather than restricting my world view, is expanding
my view in the space zen gives me, yet it also offers enrichment of the
detail in having time to fully focus...
The microcosm of the macrocosm - wow!
19th October 2021
Dear Friend,
The colours are amazing , this year all the yellows, last year it was all the reds...
Went for a walk today and arrived back breathless and `glowing`.
Ego went straight into complimenting me on getting a little fitter and going faster - Oh Yeah!
Then I remembered; the goal is not the end of the walk,
the goal is the journey.
How easily it vanished from my mind. To rush is my ego wanting to complete something, to tick a box whereas, for me, to be slow is to be fully
present and living in the eternal moment.
Slow, slow, slow: talk slowly, eat slowly, walk slowly and hardest of all, think slowly - my mind is on steroids at times it wheeches from thought to thought.
Yet when I consciously slow down a thought will come and then
develop and in that time much may arise.
`Butterfly thinking` just skims the surface with no depth, no time for percolation
consequently no space for wisdom to grow and transform.
Is this the dance between being of the soul and the doing of the ego?
Perhaps the aim is the middle ground, ...
May my beingness extend into all I do so every action is soulbased.
And may your beingness join me....
Have a beautiful peaceful day dear friend, I think of you so often..x
photo by Anne
18th October 2021
Dear Friend,
Isn`t this photo beautiful, a friend, Anne is a keen photographer took it,
who would think to look under a flower?
The artist`s mind indeed....I received it yesterday and it got me thinking about how much beauty there is that I
do not see as it is slightly `out of sight.`
The obvious is the saying to never read a book by its cover.
Being Zen is to stop long enough to see beyond the obvious.
In stopping I alter my focus on what I see, instead of lightly skimming what is around me becoming still allows a deeper focus to highlight the
inner depth and beauty of what and who I am seeing.
Mindfulness in motion is remembering to stop.
Yesterday I was pondering Kenosis, a Greek word meaning `self emptying`,
so many traditions and paths have this concept of self emptying as one of the first steps on the journey. Only when there is space can the Divine of my awareness fill me, mind and heart. There has to be space. D`uH!
Obvious really, In stopping, in stillness, in emptying my mind of expectation, thoughts of future or past then I might become still and see the
beauty that lies beyond the world of speed,
creating an opening for ............
Dear One,
Today, stop and smell the roses - see beyond them too...xx
17th October 2021
Dear Friend,
The ego is in action - here I use the word ego as per Course in Miracles definition - there is one continuum, one end is 100% love; us, we , unity
and the other end is 100% fear; me, mine, separation.
Not only are we all some where on that spectrum also every thought, word or decision takes us one way or the other along this continuum.
Hence the need to observe thinking as much , if not more than actions.
They are secondary as is an outcome of thinking with spontaneous
action coming from our inner belief.
Yes, since the `busy days` my thinking has wandered into the past somewhat. so today after writing this I will read Cynthia Bourgault and ponder her words.
Inviting focus back into my life, releasing thoughts that do not serve and returning to a structure that supports being zen.
Todays lesson from the Course in Miracles, always timely
"The past is over, it can touch me not."
Always touches the tender places willing to be healed.
16th October 2021
Dear Friend,
Oh the icing is off the cake now... the real retreat starting to take a grip
- novelty factor - over and out!.
It has been interesting to experience how things feel after contact with the outside world - be this through people, zoom or the phone.
Both days had more than normal contact and the subsequent unsettledness lingered.
I guess it is not just about quantity of encounter but also the content of the encounter.
I am so shallow, I am understanding why this is a six month sojourn into more interior living - I need that time to allow this to shimmy into my being-ness, into my bones, to become habitual.
Maybe, just maybe by the end of six months i will start to understand where the limits are and how to retain the peace inherent in Being Zen.
Today, my heid is mince as they say.
May Compline later re-calibrate me.
Maybe see you there.
15th October 2021
Dear Friend,
On my walks now I take the phone, not to answer it but to use its camera facility in order to share with you the surroundings that contain this retreat.
Yesterday, a lot was happening and it dawned on me how much the surroundings are becoming a container, a chalice that holds this experience. When walking I am more aware of the scenery as I am looking for
something to share here so am more focussed.
This is not something I could have predicted, I probable would have guessed the opposite, but hey ho, open to learning.,
Even when inside I seem to keep an eye on the sky, like this picture here.
The colours in the sky were stunning so I dashed outside to capture it for you.
I am still very aware of the phone and its ping, rings and general presence
but is this one step closer to stepping out from instant obedience
to its demands? Am I on the way to being its boss and
reversing the dynamic?
I wonder what object, person or thought will bubble up to replace the phone as my `boss`!
14th October 2021
Dear Friend,
One of the lovely aspects of this retreat is the time I have to contemplate on the books I read. The retreat offers time not just to absorb words but space to to allow them to filter from knowledge and understanding
to personal experience.
Once I engage on the experiential level it begins to transmute into wisdom -
all subtly altering my world view and transforming/revealing
not only who I really am, but who I can be in the world and
what I can extend to others in each and every encounter.
This, incrementally, changes my presence in the world
Presence is very powerful and something I can choose to open to;
as I can only meet others from where I am, maybe my only responsibility
is to be the best I can be; willing to embrace spiritual practice
as a wise tool for achieving just that.
Happy pondering
13th October 2021
Dear Friend,
Well thinking is a dodgy tool; no sooner had I closed out yesterdays blog which was full of confidence etc. when thoughts started appearing
inviting all sorts of questions.
I meditate using a mantra to focus my breathing, 4 in, 4 out, e.g.
`Only loving
thoughts fill my mind`
When I find other unrelated thoughts appear I gentle open to the mantra
and reinstate it into my breathing.
The question is ......am I brainwashing myself?
If so that's fine providing I chose the mantra very wisely!
I hope you like the pictures posted as they are all from my walks this autumn. Except the flowers of yesterday, they are the remains of a beautiful
bouquet a friend gave me the day before I began this.
They lasted so well, thank you Heather
12th October 2021
Dear Friend,
Well the honeymoon is over. Ohhh so soon and it had all been going so well...
I was sitting in meditation yesterday when the phone rang,
I had thrown off the meditation blanket and was half way towards the phone before I realised what was happening.....yes, I know,
Pavlov`s dogs had nothing on me.
Is a ringing phone really `the boss of me`?
When did that start? A little voice appeared in my head, "Is there anything
else that is a conscious or unconscious catalyst to cause such a reaction?"
A thought indeed,
I had, obviously erroneously, thought I was in charge of my thoughts...
Becoming aware of them on an ongoing basis is going to be interesting to say the least; the Inner Witness will be exhausted!
This brings the next question....
What else triggers me, how many `bosses` do I actually have?
Is this even my own mind orrrrrrrr?
In the meantime I shall focus on meditation being a link with the Divine that nothing can distract me from.
Phew, so much for a calm peaceful time!
11th October 2021
Dear Friend,
I was sitting still and silent on the deck after a walk this morning when i heard sounds and round the side of the shed appeared two deer. They walked round, grazed a little then stood to check out what was going on. I was intrigued
by their ears, they twitched and bent and had a wide range of
angles they used as they listened.
It got me thinking about listening, how often do I listen but how often do I hear?
I remember when I was young having some issues that went round and
round in my head, I recall talking to friends about it but nothing changed
until one day I met an amazing woman who actively listened.
With friends we listen but often there is the subtext of `what about me...when can I speak` or how can I fix this etc going on` which can limit
what can be heard..
This woman actively heard what I was saying, we spent maybe 45 minutes together in which she asked deep questions that told me she heard,
she didn't collude by sympathising over the story;
she empathised with how I felt about it.
She then had to leave but everything shifted for me. I have been heard, or
rather my experience had been heard. In being heard healing
had begun and the story began to fade.
Like Samantha`s nose in Bewitched,
may my ears truly hear and twitch.
So I hear the soul beneath the voice
To hear so deeply is my choice.
The Poet Laureate is safe.
11th October 2021
Dear Friend,
It is so much nicer writing to you than just writing blankly, so thank you for being there.
Yesterday was, again, beautiful on every level. the weather, the walks, the readings and meditations all fell into place. The wood man came with a load in the afternoon and Gordon came to help me stack it. This time I was prepared,
I had made sure of Graceful Pauses and time for meditation before hand and it helped me not be lured off into this world and the potential for gossip.
I have discovered that Pluscarden Abbey now live stream some of their services... Yesss.....so i joined them for Compline. Oh a sublime experience, the sights, the organ whispering, the singing at times angelic... the salve Regina out of this world. The perfect way to sing a lullaby to God at the end of the day..
Compline 7.50
https://www.pluscardenabbey.org/live
9th October 2021
Dear Friend,
What a day yesterday was! Well, it was only a matter of time until the ego got in on the peace...a part of me was waiting for it, not knowing what to expect
just knowing it will happen. Is that a wise understanding of what it
means to be human or a self fulfilling prophecy ?
Yesterday there was a couple of e-mails to be addressed, a couple of phone calls I felt obliged to answer and engage with.
Followed by four, yes four differing world views which drew me back into the world of thought and ego...judgment and blame of self.
I had lost my Zen; the day sped up, the pauses shrank, the focus blurred.
Love got lost in `doing`.
From this `busy` day were a couple of lessons:
1) How easy it is to get sucked into `busy-ness`. Now it makes sense why,
when the thought for doing this landed, the voice told me `six months`...
Being Zen has to percolate, settle and infiltrate the mind, heart and soul
for which I need as much time as possible.
All delusions that this is easy or straight forward have left the vicinity
replaced by much gratitude for still being here and the willingness
to re-enter the Being Zen way of living.
There is a lot of calm in this place, I just have to remember to pace myself
on the `exploring` front....just!
Experience...Embody...Express and give thanks.
2) How do we forgive ourselves?
Chorus: Hand it over to God
Beloved, Help me release this guilt, hand it over to you, allow myself
to receive your forgiveness and forgive myself.
Thank you, Amen
7 th October 2021
Dear Friend,
Mantra
"Help me live by
the Laws of Love"
I so love this mantra. Here is the sky from yesterday, that is blue behind the clouds which blew away and left a perfect blue sky, warmth in the sun and several gliders from a local gliding club being towed across the sky before being released to float gently and gracefully back to the airfield.
What do they see up there? Maybe nothing but sky and land far down.
Trusting in thermals and mans understanding of aerodynamics.
Up there they can be fully in the moment, the landline never rings, no-one knocking on the door of the glider, and as for e-mails... they never land and...in fact...what are e-mails?
Oh to be trusting and glide as a bird swoops and soars with the wings they were born with meeting a force of air and temperature.
Graceful, free, at peace., a time out of life.
Nature is such a perfect reminder to value what we were born with be it physical movement, a mind that explores, a caring disposition - I have a feeling that when we live our gifts we are as a bird soaring and free.
6 th October 2021
Dear Friend,
Mantra
"Truth is safe and
Only Love is real"
So much comes up each day it is hard to know what to write, however....
Yesterday the words "Toxic vocabulary" came up, Firstly I was struck by how `toxic` the word toxic feels..bbrrrrrrr . This reminded me of a few days ago when the focus was on Graceful Speech.
The two are so interlinked,; we have to know the word to be able to use it and , sadly, once a toxic word is known it is hard to delete it from the memory banks. However we have the gift of choice, to use it or not.
Perhaps we can choose to accentuate the words of love, of union, sharing and caring and to consciously choose to not use words of fear, separation, negativity and obviously wee swearie words.
Add in tone, volume, cadence and so on and speech plays a powerful
role in our relationships with others.
A hostile tone barked and full of negativity can leave the recipient almost assaulted by the energy bolt that hits them, a softer gentle quieter tone can draw the other nearer, sharing space together and uniting.
For now it is asking my Inner Witness to monitor my thinking as
that is where it all starts.
Giving thanks for the Graceful Pauses making space for pondering.
I hope all is well in your life.
5th October 2021
Dear Friend,
The meditation mantra this morning was
"Help me live by
the Laws of Love"
When it first landed the inner voice started saying what a silly mantra, don`t we all live by the laws of love and i couldn't settle into it.
Then I was reminded of the power of authority.
Fifty or sixty odd years ago a Doctor wrote a book telling mothers how to raise their babies; feed them every four hours, pop them in their prams, park
them in the garden for air and do not pick them up when they cry.
Thousands, if not millions of mothers followed this `advice` going against their innate maternal urges to follow what an `expert` had decreed.
The mantra made sense and mind settled.
Since then i have been exploring the laws I live by and whether or not they are the laws of Love
What are your Laws of Love?
4th October 2021
Dear Friend,
Meditation this morning brought with it the word "Gentleness".
Is gentleness Zen I immediately asked myself? But of course; gentleness
mitigates the seeming austerity of minimalism which is so often perceived as Zen.
Gentleness softens the hard edges in everything, from interior décor, to clothing to speech and communication, ideally to thinking also.
This is an area for me to dwell in as am more of a klutz than
a ballet dancer in life.
Gentle thinking will result in gentle speech, how hard can it be...yeah right!
Extremely hard as my thinking gallops on bewildering and confusing or leading me back to where I have always been.
Zen allows time for meditation to guide our thinking.
Gifting Gentleness to all our words.
2nd October 2021
Dear Friend,
Is the moon heart shaped?
Being Zen has benefits for all who work with others in any way.
It is the quality of the listening, In my understanding of Being Zen the time taken in meditation, reading and contemplation benefits the practitioner as they are being guided to withdraw into themselves, to listen to the inner voice; they open to receive developing an ability to stay still and silent.
This time allows them to comfortably and peacefully own their thoughts and feelings in relation with their beliefs.
Consequently when with others they have no need to fill the time and space with their `stuff`, they are able to hold the space
empty for the other to fill.
The other receives this as a blessing, really truly being heard and having someone there to journey with them.
So these times spent in meditation and silence , yes can be seen as selfish yet also as gifts to self and others in the depths they offer.
1st October 2021
Dear Friend,
Here is your chair on the deck, meet me here whenever you want and we can sit in silence and drink in the beauty that surrounds us;
if you come today bring a brolly. October has arrived with feeling!
I have been wondering how to describe what i am doing and then the penny landed. I have been involved in health and spirituality all my adult life and yet am not as healthy as I would like to be?
This then brings the question do I believe in all I purport or not?
In all honesty and to stay in integrity if I don't believe then I have to step
away and never say another word,
A Zen Healing Retreat is Healing from Within.
As I believe that alignment with the Divine is health, peace and love,
then any breaks in that continuum leads to dis-ease of whatever kind.
It seems that the logical place to start is with my sense of the
Divine and opening for healing there.
Heal within and the body will follow
Where to start? Have I truly opened my heart to the Divine and others,
have I forgiven all my grievances, am I compassionate, kind,
do I listen from the heart, do i judge or do i accept?
This divine relationship holds everything and in Being Zen
I live in such a way to allow the above to be explored, owned,
forgiven, released and transformation to gently heal.
30th September 2021
Dear Friend,
As you can see a stunning autumnal day here.
Makes everything so easy when we are surrounded by beauty.
I see beauty as a portal to the Divine...mankind could never create something so truly awesome, but maybe that is to do with the feeling it inspires when standing in nature and being a part of the energetic matrix that created it.
Does my presence change it in any way?
The interconnectedness of all must infer a perpetually changing universe allowing and accommodating for each subtlety of presence and thought.
Oh too big to get my heid around.
Had a beautiful zen moment in the afternoon when outside sky-gazing, losing myself in the clouds, another world containing a skein of geese
tracking across the sky.
28th September 2021
Tempis fugit and all that. Summer was crazy so i am beyond delighted now it is all over and i can catch my breathe
.
I am in a weird one at the moment, having stepped out of life into a Zen Healing Retreat to allow me to catch up with myself, to release all that needs releasing, forgive all that is unforgiven to spend time in meditation and contemplation to help integrate my mind into my heart and make me whole and healthy again.
The odd, yet wonderfully weird and freeing thing is that i cannot
see anything beyond this retreat.
The Retreat ends 21st March 2022 and as of 22nd March there is nothing but expansive whiteness.. a spaciousness with nothing on it, a blank page.
It feels comforting as if it is Divine space and my only job is to settle into the retreat as deeply as I can and have Trust, just Trust.
I shan`t bang on, but much seems to be percolating and bubbling which i will share as it arises..
And you dear One, what is current for you?
27th September 2021
What is coming up at the moment is whether posting this blog is ego based or of use to someone?
Is it of use for me to share the experiences of changing my life to live in Zen or is it merely an excuse to seek attention?
I am reading "The Monk Within" by Beverly Lanzetta at the moment and she raises some interesting points - well beyond that she explore the whole idea of monasticism, sacred living, in its broadest sense - rich and informative and much to ponder upon.
OK, well today it is day 7 and am still settling into place. I have spent longer on the computer than intended - 2 hours a day maximum - in getting this website up and working out how this blog thing works. It has been a very useful time to remind myself to breathe and step away from the computer.
Add to that signing up for Tesco delivery, gadzooks shopping on line is hard. There is a long list now of all that was forgotten. However, have also learned, to some extent, and thus should be easier in the future.
So now able to step into more disciplined time on said gadget.
25th September 2021
Well, day 5 of this six month sojourn into a Zen Healing Retreat. This means i avoid all distractions, have pauses to make space allowing percolation between all I do, including limited internet time, no TV or radio, much time for meditation, prayer and contemplation. Also time to journal and this blog to keep me accountable.
So far it has been very peaceful and each day i feel a little more surrendered into the process. From years working as a homoeopath and many years in ministry I have come to the conclusion that much of ill health comes from a misalignment in life with a persons core belief and sense of who they are in that context. Addressing the symptoms of the malaise does not heal the cause so in this time I will look to where all grievances still remain as they are the biggest block to growth and healing as they keep us stuck in the past.
So, much time in prayer to ask for help in forgiving a person or situation and writing the prayers to offer up with a whole heart of intention behind them
20th August 2021
It has all been developing since then. Once in my mind I couldn`t shake it and was surprised to find my mouth open and tell people thereby cutting off the escape route.
The understanding of why to do it slowly emerged and made such sense.
I have been a minister for 20 years now, is that 1 year ministering repeated 19 times or am I a minister of 20 years experience?
If so then this holds true for all of life, am i just being 15 or 22 or 33 again not learning and thus not allowing life to weave its magic of transformation over me. Hmm, that would be a question, how old am i in each aspect of my life? And, what is holding me back?
10th July 2021
It came in meditation, a voice telling me to retreat for six months. "Dear God" I sweetly thought back, " Surely a week will be long enough?" Sounds of laughter filled my head. It is, as the old adage says, ` Want to make God laugh? Then tell Her your plans`.....